Life or Death
by Crimelover11
Summary: I guess this fic can be considered as AU now. Carries on from the Season 3 finale.
1. Chapter 1

**So yes it's yet another finale fic...I mean who wouldn't write one about the finale? This is carrying straight on from Castle's admission. Thank you for reading this and giving it a chance even if you are or may not be bored of reading the finale fics yet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, if I did Beckett would so not have been shot! Any and all mistakes are my own.**

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><p>Richard Castle sat there and watched as the eyes of Kate Beckett slid closed all the while knowing there was nothing he could do. All around him people were screaming and looking around for where the shot had come from.<p>

"Don't leave me Kate." He whispered. "I don't know what I'll do without you." He sat cursing himself. Why did they have to do things so differently than other people? Both knew that there was something between them, even if they didn't know everyone around them had told them. It was only days ago that Jim Beckett had turned up on his doorstep, they had never met yet Kate had talked about Rick that much he knew. He lifted his hand up to wipe the tear that had been making it's way from Kate's eyes and noticed how the corners of her mouth had turned up into a smile.

Castle sat there wondering what if. He had seen the glimmer of light from behind the gravestone and he kept wondering what if he had been that quick second earlier. Kate Beckett wouldn't have been shot she would still be breathing and not hanging onto the brink of death.

He didn't know how long they had been there but before he knew it he was being pulled away from Kate, he didn't fight back. He couldn't. He watched as the paramedics lifted her onto a stretcher and carried her away. He sat watching knowing that if Kate Beckett died that day then a part of him would die too.

"Castle!" Esposito said. He knew it was useless he didn't get a response, he just kept staring at the blank and lifeless face of Castle.

Lanie moved from where she had been kneeling and made her way towards him. After the initial shock had wore of Lanie had moved into full action mode along with all the other NYPD officers at Captain Montgomery's graveside. She saw Evelyn Montgomery being comforted by one of the officers along with her daughters. She took a breath and went to where Esposito and Ryan had gathered around Castle.

"Castle listen to me." She said as she shook him a little, gaining a bit of a response. "You need to pull it together."

He sat there still, motionless, not making a sound. It was then that Martha and Alexis had come running over to him.

"Dad!" Alexis said through tears. She kneeled beside him and wrapped her arms around him burying her head into his shoulder.

"Richard! Thank god you're alright." Martha said coming to them.

It was then that he blinked. He turned his body towards his daughter and wrapped his arms around her, he turned to his mother and tried to speak but nothing would come out. He cleared his throat and took a breath.

"I want you to take Alexis and go back to the loft." He barely managed to get out.

Alexis stiffened in his arms. "No! I want to come with you."

"No Alexis." He said looking at her. "Please just go back to the loft."

"But dad…" She stared at him and then gave up. "Just be careful and ring with updates."

He nodded and released her from his arms giving her a kiss on her forehead. "I promise." With a quick hug between Martha and Castle they departed and made their way out of the cemetery. Castle watched them and then turned and faced Lanie, Esposito and Ryan.

Lanie was about to say something when Castle stopped her. "Don't." He said. "I don't want you to worry about me I'm not the one that has just been shot."

"Well then what are we waiting for let's get going." Esposito said.

Before they were about to leave Castle looked around from Jim. With all the people moving around he tried to look through the crowd but couldn't find him.

"Have any of you seen Beckett's dad?" Castle asked looking at them.

"He left with Beckett." Lanie said.

They arrived at the hospital in record time and made their way through the hospital looking for the waiting room where they would find Jim Beckett situated. Walking through the halls they found the receptionist desk.

"Hello. How can I help you?" The cheery receptionist asked.

"We're looking for a Jim Beckett, he's the father of someone who just came in." Lanie said.

"Right, he'll be in the waiting room." She gave the directions to the group of people and then watched as they left picking the phone up as it rang.

As they rounded the corner they saw Jim Beckett sat in the hospital chair, unshed tears in his eyes. He was staring at the floor before he sensed someone sit next to him. He took a breath and looked to see Castle taking a seat and staying silent. Lanie and Esposito sat opposite them and Ryan went to fetch a drink.

"They're working on her now." Jim said looking at nobody in particular. "They say that the bullet just missed her heart so she was lucky, but they don't know whether she'll make it through surgery."

"She's strong." Lanie said. "She's a fighter she'll make it through."

"Besides she has too many people here who need her and love her."

At the word love Castle tensed up remembering how those had been the last words he had said to Kate when she was still conscious. Nobody but her had heard him say those three crucial words. It kept running through his head, hearing the shot then watching her fall.

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><p>He didn't know how long they had been sitting there. he guessed a few hours, but all he knew was that he had to do something. He didn't want to leave the floor in case he missed news on how Kate was doing but he didn't want to stay sitting. He stood up and paced around the room for what must have been the tenth time since they had arrived.<p>

"Castle will you please sit down, pacing up and down the room is not going to help anything." Lanie said.

"I know, I just need to do something. I can't just sit around and wait." He said as he ran a hand through his hair.

As he turned around and looked towards the door of the waiting room he saw a surgeon standing there with blood visible on his scrubs.

"Family of Katherine Beckett?" He said looking at the clipboard he held in his hands.

Jim stood up and made his way towards him, followed by Lanie, Esposito and Ryan. Castle however was stuck where he stood he didn't want to go any closer in case he heard the worst. Even if he did want to get any closer he couldn't. His legs weren't cooperating with him and so he stood hoping he would hear the words he wanted to hear. He stood holding his breath as he listened carefully and caught the last of the conversation.

"…it appears she will make a full recovery. She had a lucky escape this time."

His breath left his body and he didn't even register his body falling towards the floor his back again the wall. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back and for the first time that day he cried. Thanking whoever would listen that she was alive and that they had another day together. He looked towards Lanie and Esposito who were embracing each other, Ryan who was on the phone more than likely with Jenny and then to Jim Beckett who just like him was in a chair and thanking the same people he was.

He looked towards the door way again and that's when he saw him. Josh Davidson. His whole body tensed and he didn't know why, the relief and happiness that was surging through his body was replaced by anger. Where was Josh when they were burying Captain Montgomery? When Kate had had a tough day with her mothers murder and he went to see her? Or when they had travelled to LA after finding out her former training officer was shot. He was starting to question the nature of the relationship between them. He was the only one who had seen him so far and he stood up, he was here for Kate not to cause an argument between them both. If she were here right now he knew she would want him to behave and so he took a breath and made his way towards him.

Lanie and Esposito watched as Castle stood up and looked to where his gaze was concentrated. One word left there mouths.

"Josh?"

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you think? Should I continue? Reviews are appreciated so that I can improve.**


	2. Breaking the news

**Thanks for all the reviews and everyone that has added me to their story alerts it means a lot :) So I know most of you or all of you want Josh gone. It will happen in a couple of chapters don't worry, I just can't see Josh as the kind to up and leave after she's been shot. At first I wasn't happy with how this chapter started off, I really did try and get rid of him in this one but it just didn't happen. So please let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: Castle isn't mine any and all mistakes are my own.**

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><p>Josh looked at Castle and looked him up and down taking in his appearance. His hands still had blood on them, his eyes looked slightly red, his hair was sticking in all directions in his opinion Richard Castle looked terrible.<p>

"Castle." Josh said with a slight nod of his head.

Castle looked at Josh his eyes holding no emotions while he stared.

"Josh." He said simply.

"So what are you guys doing here?" Josh asked looking at them his face blank. "I thought Katie said she had a funeral today."

"She did." Castle said keeping his voice calm.

"So what happened?" He asked again.

They all stared at him nobody was going to be the one to tell him first. Lanie looked at Castle as if expecting him to say something first. Castle saw her look and shook his head silently telling her he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Jim stood up from his chair and stood next to Castle.

"Sorry to ask but who are you?" Jim asked looking expectantly at him.

"I'm Josh Davidson."

Jim looked at him and then nodded. "I think I remember Katie telling me something about you."

Josh looked at him, not recognizing the man that stood in front of him.

"I'm her father." Jim said as a way of explaining to Josh.

Ryan, Esposito and Lanie went to take a seat leaving Josh, Castle and Jim standing exchanging looks between one another.

"Well it's nice to meet you at last." Josh said extending his hand. Jim looked at it before taking his hand and shaking it firmly. "So you still haven't told me. Where is Kate by the way?"

"I take it you haven't been told by one of your surgeon friends." Castle said looking at him.

Josh again looked like he had no idea what he was talking about while looking to someone for an answer. He sometimes wondered how Kate was able to communicate with them, they were being so vague and he had no idea why.

"Beckett…Kate…she was…" Castle started but was unable to finish, if he even thought of uttering the words then he would see the images cross through his eyes and he didn't want to think of Kate Beckett lying on the ground almost dying ever again. When he had signed the documents a couple of years back he had done so just wanting to go for the ride along. But each and every day Kate Beckett had managed to remind him that it was a scary job and anything could happen, even to the tough and independent NYPD detective herself.

"She was shot." Lanie said from her seat across the room.

Josh looked at them waiting for the inevitable surprise to be shouted but it didn't come. He took a breath and then blinked trying to get his head around it all. "When?" He asked.

"When we were burying the captain." Castle said. "She was brought here and the doctor just came and told us she's going to be fine. She should hopefully make a full recovery."

Josh felt himself sigh with relief. "Thank god."

"So where have you been Josh?" Esposito asked. "We haven't seen you around lately."

"Well you know how work like to keep me busy." He said lightly. That's when he looked at the clipboard still in his hand and the main reason he had come to the waiting room was clear. "Just excuse me for a second guys." He said. He looked around and spotted the family that he had been in search off, with a quick smile he made his way towards them.

"So Rick tell me why is Katie dating him?" Jim said. "I mean I have to tell you I was a little more than surprised when she said she was seeing someone. With the way she talks about you I always thought one of you would see sense."

"Me too." Castle said quietly. "It's a long story Jim, but I was stupid." Castle said looking at him.

"Damn straight." Lanie said hearing what he had said.

Castle stood wondering whether he should tell them that he had confessed his feelings for Beckett earlier. He like Jim wondered why he hadn't said anything sooner it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He looked over to where Josh was deep in conversation with two people which he guessed was the family of whoever he had just operated on.

"Just excuse me for a second guys I'm going to update Alexis and my mom on Beckett."

"Go ahead." Jim said watching as Rick made his way to the phone situated the other side of the room. He went and sat next to Ryan and then stared at the trio of people next to him.

"So Lanie you know my daughter better than anyone." He said looking at her. "What's going off?"

"Even I've lost track Jim." Lanie said shaking her head. "I just keep trying to make her see what is right in front of her, but she's having none of it."

"Well you know they say there's nothing like a life or death situation to help put things in perspective."

"You obviously don't know them when they are together." Ryan said. "I think they spend most of their time together fighting the feelings they have for each other."

"We've lost so much money betting on them." Esposito said shaking his head.

"Well I have a feeling this might just make them notice the feelings they have been avoiding."

"You seem so sure of yourself Jim." Ryan said looking at him. "Do you know something we don't?"

He chuckled to himself. "I just know how Katie's mind works."

"Well I sure hope you're right." Lanie said as she watched Josh finish talking to the couple and make his way back over to them.


	3. Seeing Kate

Richard Castle stood outside the doorway to Kate's room, they had said that she could have visitors but only one of them could go in at a time. Right now Lanie was in with her probably telling her to stop being so stubborn and wake up. Josh had a quick visit with her before he had to rush off somewhere that was deemed more important. Castle had wanted to stay the night and make sure that if Beckett woke up then she wouldn't be alone however the nurses had quickly put a stop to that assuring him she wouldn't wake yet. He had informed them to contact him if anything major happened, no matter what time it was or how unimportant the news may have seemed. They politely nodded and said they would inform him if they had any news.

Lanie walked out the room and gave Castle a slight smile before walking over and joining Esposito in the waiting area. They had offered to take Castle home to make sure he had gotten there and realizing they wouldn't take no for an answer meant he'd said yes. He took a deep breath before he slowly made his way into Beckett's room.

He heard the beeping of the machine and slowly released the breath that he was holding. He looked around and saw that it was a plain white room, nothing different but he saw the bright colours of some flowers that were placed near the bedside table. He walked over and picked up the simple card.

_Get well soon Detective, we're all thinking of you._

_Martha and Alexis._

He smiled and placed the card back in it's holder before turning to face the woman that lay in the bed. Her hair was spread across the pillow and when he looked he thought he could almost see her smiling. He went and sat on the chair that was placed beside her bed, he leaned forward and then took one of her hands in his bringing it up to his mouth and placing a soft kiss on it.

He tried to find his voice but nothing would come out, he cleared his throat and took a breath finding what he wanted to say.

"I don't really know what to say here Beckett and you know that's a rare moment for me." He said chuckling slightly. "I'm lost without you here to set me straight." He bought one of his hands up to slowly brush away a stray piece of hair. He simply stared at her grateful that he had gotten another day with her and if he had it his way there would be many more. "I have to go but I'll be back as soon as I can." He smiled standing up and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I meant what I said before about loving you Kate and I want you to wake up." He said whispering in her ear.

He gave her hand a little squeeze and then to his surprise she squeezed it back. His heart sped up a little bit before he stood up and released her hand. He walked slowly out of her room before looking back at her and then facing Lanie and Esposito. He smiled a little at them and then headed towards them.

"All set?" Esposito said.

He gave a nod, he didn't want to leave. Not when Beckett lay in the hospital bed and she would be left alone. He then looked to her door again and saw Josh walking in. *Of course* he thought to himself. *She has Dr. Motorcycle boy, why would she need me?* With a sigh he started to head out the hospital with Lanie and Esposito in front of him. He smiled as he saw them holding hands, glad that they weren't hiding it from anyone anymore. He noticed how Lanie leaned slightly into Esposito and her head rested on his shoulder slightly.

They made it to Esposito's car and Castle got in the back sending a quick message to Alexis saying that he was on his way home. They sat in a comfortable silence, it seemed they hit every red light on the way back to Castle's loft. Castle leaned his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes. He felt himself drifting off when Esposito stopped and turned around to face him.

"Okay bro you're home." He gave him a small smile. "You sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yeah I'll be fine." Castle said. "Thanks."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

They both knew it wasn't a question, since Castle would be next to Beckett's side as soon as he could be. If he wasn't at her side he would at least be as close to her as possible, even if that meant sitting in the waiting room uncomfortably waiting on news.

Castle smiled and nodded. "See you guys tomorrow." He got out the car and made his way towards the building entrance. He stopped and looked up seeing the faint sparkle of the stars, he felt the slight breeze of the wind as it passed by. He walked inside and headed up to his floor and was met by Alexis opening the door and meeting him in the hallway for a small hug.

Alexis rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes glad that her dad was home.

"So how is Detective Beckett?" She asked.

He smiled and rested a hand on top of her head before placing a kiss there. "You know I'm sure you can call her Kate."

"Okay then how is Kate?"

"The same as when I left her, she's in recovery and might take a few days to wake up but she's fine."

"I'm glad." She smiled.

"I saw the flowers." He said smiling slightly. "They looked beautiful."

She smiled. "It's was grams idea. She picked them up and had Jim take them in."

"I'm sure when she wakes up she will appreciate them."

She smiled and grabbed his hand. "Come on let's get you a drink."

"I think I might just take a shower and head to bed."

"You sure?"

He nodded his head. "I'm sure pumpkin."

"Okay. I think it's time I went to bed anyway."

They both went their separate ways, Alexis kissed her father on the cheek and walked upstairs to her room. He watched her walk upstairs before turning and entering his bedroom, he started to undress while on the way to the shower. He waited a few minutes before it was hot enough to enter and let the water wash over him. He felt the water droplets hit him hard, his skin turned a shade of red but he didn't notice. He let the water wash the emotions he had been feeling today away, he stayed in the shower until the water had started to turn a little cold. He grabbed a towel and dried his hair and wrapped it around his waist. He looked at himself in the mirror his hair was not sticking up in several directions and he looked tired. He went into his room and collapsed onto the bed, letting his eyes close and his body relax.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed it really does make my day reading them and knowing what you guys think :) To everyone who has put this on their alerts and favorited it thank you :)**


	4. The New Captain

The next morning Castle woke to the alarm beeping, he reached over and hit the snooze button and pulled a pillow over his head. He closed his eyes again and tried to drown out the noise of the early morning traffic. He lay there for a few more minutes before he heard a small knock on his door, he opened his eyes and placed the pillow next to him.

"Come in." He said loud enough.

Alexis opened the door slowly and walked into her father's room, she had a small smile on her face. "Morning dad."

"Morning pumpkin." He said.

"I brought you some coffee in." She said walking towards him and placing it on the bedside table. "I just thought I'm come say hi before I left for school."

He sat up and smiled. "Thanks." He cleared his throat a little.

"Are you going to the hospital today?" She asked taking a seat on his bed.

"I might for a couple of hours." He said. "I think I'll probably make a quick stop by the precinct first."

"Isn't the new captain coming in today?"

He nodded. "Yeah, thought I'd get a feel for them and tell Beckett when she wakes up." He smiled softly. "We know how she doesn't like to be unprepared for things."

Alexis leaned down and kissed her dad softly on the cheek. "Well good luck with that today, I'm going or I'll be late." She stood up. "I might be home late tonight I'm going to stop by Ashley's for a bit."

"Okay, see you later."

After laying in bed for a few more minutes Castle got up and went to stand in front of his closet trying to decide what he would wear today. Since he wasn't going to be at the precinct for long and had nothing planned he decided on going for a simple shirt and some jeans. He picked his coffee cup and drank it in one go. There was a slight burn as it went down his throat but he didn't care, he headed into the living room grabbed his phone and his wallet and placed them in his pocket. He took his jacket from off of the hook put it on and then took his keys from the bowl.

He walked outside his apartment and felt the cold brisk air hit him, he put his hands in his pockets and walked down the few blocks it took to get to his favourite coffee shop. He walked in and the bell rung signalling his arrival, he took his place in line and waited. After waiting for ten minutes he finally got to the counter.

"Oh hi ." The woman behind the counter greeted him.

"Hi Lucy." He said smiling at her.

"Usual order?"

He looked at her and shook his head. "Not today." He felt his heart drop in his chest, another reminder that Beckett wasn't going to be at the precinct.

"Okay what can I get you?"

"How about surprise me?" He grinned.

"Okay then."

"Three times."

She nodded her head and picked up 3 cups, writing the order down and placing them on the side. Castle handed her some money and told her to keep the change before going to stand in line for his order.

While he was waiting he looked around the shop, his eyes stopped on a couple in the window. They were laughing and smiling at each other, holding onto each others hand. He turned around and then watched as the people behind the counter steamed up the milk. He could smell it from where he stood and smiled, it took him back to when Alexis was young. He would always make her a cup of warm milk before she went to bed, they would sit there on the couch arms around each other in silence.

"Rick?" A young man called over the noise.

He turned around and walked over to the counter taking the tray that he was holding out. "Thanks." He gave him a slight nod and then walked out the shop. He walked to the side of the road and hailed a cab, getting in he gave the address of the 12th.

As he pulled up outside the precinct he paid the driver and got out, he walked in and he felt everyone's eyes on him. He walked towards the elevator and when he turned around he found that most people were indeed watching him. He stood there not sure what to say, they stood there not sure what to say. He flashed back to the summer when everyone had stared at him again, only this time he knew the reason people were staring, and it wasn't because he had disappeared for 3 months and came back.

"Can I help you?" He finally asked. Everyone that was staring finally turned and went back to work. The doors opened and he stepped on pressing the button for the bullpen. As the elevator ascended he looked around the small space. Like most of the precinct this reminded him of Beckett, like how only a few weeks ago she had handed him the flowers after breaking up with Gina. He rested his head against the back of the elevator and let out a sigh. After a few seconds the doors opened and he walked into the bullpen it was still pretty early but there were a few people at their desks. He walked over to where Ryan and Esposito were sitting, leaning back in their chairs staring at the ceiling.

"Morning guys." He picked up a cup and placed one on each of their desks before drinking from his own cup.

"Castle, what are you doing here?" Esposito asked.

Ryan picked his cup up and smiled. "Thanks."

He looked at them both. "I just came to see how you guys were." He shrugged slightly.

"Meaning you can't go visit a certain person for another couple of hours so you thought you would come here."

"No?" He said lamely. "I guess I just wanted to come someplace I can feel close to Beckett without actually being with her. You know?"

Esposito pulled a chair next to his desk for Castle to sit on. "Take a seat bro. New captain should be arriving any minute now."

"Thanks." Castle sat in the seat that was offered to him and checked the time. "So what do we know about this new captain?"

"Not much." Ryan said. "Apparently real good and real strict."

"Oh Beckett isn't going to like that." Castle said.

"Since when does Beckett like change?"

They sat watching the clock for a few more minutes until the sound of the elevator drew them to it. They waited the agonizing few seconds it normally takes to reach the bullpen, they felt themselves relax as nobody walked around the corner. As they averted their eyes, they heard the sound of heels.

Castle sat up, that sound always reminded him of Beckett. Against all odds he knew she wouldn't be walking around the corner but stranger things have happened he rationalized. As the noise drew closer the boys themselves leaned closer trying to get a look. That's when they saw someone walk around the corner, someone they didn't recognize. It was a woman in her mid thirties, long blonde hair, green eyes. They watched as she walked towards them and strolled into what was the captains office before taking a seat at the desk.

Castle couldn't avert his gaze but then he turned to them. "Guys, am I wrong in guessing the new captain is a woman?"

"Castle you could be right." Ryan said.

"Beckett is so not going to like this." Esposito said shaking his head.

They watched as the woman in the office glanced in there direction and then back down at the files she had taken out of the cabinet. She placed her hands on the desk and then stood up, she stood by the doorway and looked at them again.

"I take it you are Javier and Kevin?" She asked them.

They looked a little shocked at the use of their first names, it felt like they were about to be scolded and they didn't know why.

Esposito was the first to respond. He cleared his throat a little. "Yes."

"Would you like to come in for a little talk?"

They knew the answer to this question was yes but for the life of them they couldn't make their legs communicate with the rest of their body. They both nodded their heads and then watched as she went and sat back down. After a few seconds Ryan managed to stand up, he took a small drink of his coffee before taking a breath and walking towards the office followed by Esposito.

Castle sat and watched from his chair, he felt a little out of place being the only one there. He watched as the boys shook hands with the new captain. They sat with their arms on the chair, they both looked a little uncomfortable to him. He watched as she started speaking and they sat nodding their heads to whatever she was saying. He watched as they started to feel a little more comfortable around her and they then smiled before saying something else. They nodded stood up and with a final goodbye exited the office.

They went and sat back down at their desks and fist bumped each other. Castle looked at them expectantly.

"So how'd it go?"

"It went well I suppose." Ryan said.

"Yeah it went fine." Esposito agreed. "She says she wants to talk to you too." He smirked.

Castle looked at them. "Me? Why me?"

"We don't know." Ryan said. "That's why you have to go talk to her."

Castle looked at them before standing up. "You guys are evil." He headed to the office and knocked lightly on the door. Seeing the woman look up she greeted him.

"You must be Richard Castle, please take a seat." She motioned to the chair in front of the desk. He went and sat in front of her and she watched his every move. He looked up and met her eyes, which reminded him of Beckett's eye's they were almost the same shade.

"First of all as you may of guessed I'm the new captain, my name is Michelle."

"Nice to finally meet you." He said, hoping his voice hadn't betrayed him in showing how nervous he was.

She smiled. "Likewise." She picked up a folder and scanned it looking back at him. "Now I've been led to inform that you have been unofficially paired with a Detective Kate Beckett. Is that right?"

He nodded his head. "Yes."

"I'm also told that you have helped on quite a few cases. Now my superiors have told me that you are a huge asset to this precinct and to the cases that have been solved. They've also told me I should let you stick around."

He looked at her and felt like Ryan and Esposito had when they had come in. He knew this was it, she was going to kick him out of the precinct and tell him never to return, his partnership with Beckett would be thrown away for nothing. His breathing had sped up a bit and he prepared himself for the next words that she was going to say.

"With all due respect I love it here." Castle told her. "I couldn't see myself anywhere else."

"So let me get this straight." She started. "You choose to come in here day after day to work with these detectives. You don't get paid, you run the risk of not only injuring yourself but those around you. Also you work these crazy hours along with writing. I have one question." He looked at her in response. "Why?"

Castle looked at her not sure what the correct answer was. "I'll admit when I first started to follow Beckett around it was because I had nothing better to do. As she put it I was a nine year old on a sugar rush and I probably still am to some extent. But seeing the looks on the families faces as we give them closure on a loved ones death is well, it's incredible. I feel like I'm doing something useful, when I'm here I can be myself and not somebody I'm expected to be. I'd like to think that if I left I would be missed by the people I've been working with for the last few years,"

He looked at Ryan and Esposito seeing them both watching him intently before turning back to the woman at hand.

"So if you have to kick me out, but there is nothing that will stop me from coming back." He held his breath. "Although I'd rather you let me stay."

She nodded her head and leaned back in her chair. "Alright, but I expect discipline and if I get so much as one complain you are out of here."

Castle finally let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." He smiled at her and then stood up. He liked to think that given a few weeks she would change here mind about him and lighten up. "I imagine that is everything?"

She nodded her head and watched him retreat. "Oh just one more question Mr. Castle." He turned around and looked at her expectantly. "Where is Detective Beckett?"

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><p><strong>AN: So this probably my longest chapter yet. I want to thank everyone for the reviews, I sit smiling for ages just agreeing with whatever you say. So you guys really are amazing.**

**I hope that you liked this since it's almost 4am for me, I hope there aren't many mistakes if any. Well I hope you enjoyed reading it and I will now wait patiently for any alerts that come through.**


	5. Conversations

**Here I am the long lost author of said story! Work sucks, but I'm glad I have my friends to keep me sane :) I had a major case of writers block with this chapter but on the plus side I have mapped out other chapters so I should know where i'm going with them.**

**Disclaimer: I only own any mistakes made. Otherwise it's all ABC's.**

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><p>Castle looked at her unsure of where to take this conversation. She was in a station full of detectives and she hadn't heard anything. Not even from her superiors.<p>

"I'm sorry?" He said turning his body towards her. "What do you mean where is she?"

"Well she hasn't turned up this morning."

Castle looked around uncomfortably, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and put his hands in his pocket.

"Well you see, at Roy's funeral she was shot."

"Shot? By who?"

"We don't know, they got away." Castle said sadly looking at the floor.

"Well I'm sure if what I've heard about this little team here is true, you'll find them in no time." She smiled a little and Castle gave her a small smile.

"Well I guess we'll have to show you how good we are then."

"I hope you do just that." She then straightened a little and spoke again. "Well if you don't mind I should get on with some work."

"Of course." Castle said. "I should be going anyway." With a slight nod again Castle walked out of the Captains office and then went and sat with Esposito and Ryan again.

Esposito and Ryan glanced at each other before Ryan spoke.

"So what's the verdict? You staying?"

Castle smiled. "I can stay for now."

"That's great news."

Castle looked at the clock and wondered if he'd be able to go and see Beckett. He finished the last of his coffee and then stood up.

"Well nice talking to you guys but I have to be somewhere."

Both Ryan and Esposito nodded. "Tell her hi from us." Ryan said.

Castle looked at him and smiled. "Of course."

He left the precinct and hailed a cab. It was a quick drive after paying the fare he jumped out and headed into the hospital. He stopped at the nurses station and gave them the best smile he could.

"Good morning."

The woman looked up from her computer and stared at him for a second. She immediately recognized him and smiled back. "Good morning."

"Any changed on Kate?"

She shook her head sadly. "No, which given her condition at the moment is a good thing."

Castle nodded his head. "Thank you. Am I able to go see her?"

"I don't see why not. Just let us know if anything happens."

"Of course." He nodded and made his way down the hallway. As he made his way towards her room he caught glimpses in other rooms. As he looked at one there was a man in a bed, he looked healthy enough. Sat next to him was a woman who he thought was his wife and a little boy, no older than four he would have guessed. Castle smiled at this and continued to walk towards Kate's room. It was amazing in such a place that there could be such happiness he thought. He reached Kate's door and stopped staring at it for a minute, hoping that when he walked in she'd be sat looking at him. He knew that wouldn't be happening though.

Castle stood in Beckett's room staring at her, she still looked the same as when he had left her the night before. He wished with all his might that it could be him in that bed and not her. He felt his chest tighten and found it hard to breath, he put one foot in front of the other and moved. He slowly walked towards the seat that was situated next to her bed. He took a seat and picked up her hand, taking it in both of his and placing a gentle kiss on her fingers.

"Hey Kate." He said quietly. "Any chance you'll open your eye's today?" He listened to the slow and steady beeping of the heart monitor, expecting to see a change. "If you don't open them I can't tell you all about the new captain." He smiled slightly. "You'll love her. That's right the new Captain is a woman." He stayed silent unsure of what he was going to say next.

The door then opened slightly and in walked Jim Beckett. He looked at Castle and gave him a slight smile.

"I thought you'd be here."

Castle looked at him and watched as he came and took a seat next to him.

"Any change?" Jim asked.

Castle turned to face him. "No." He said quietly. But they say that's good news for now."

Jim nodded. "Well as they say, no news is good news."

Castle nodded. "I know it's not the best but I was going to get a drink of coffee. Would you like one?"

Jim smiled at him. "That would be welcomed."

Castle nodded and stood up releasing the hold he had on Kate's hand. He turned to look at her and lifted his hand, moving a piece of hair that had made it's way across her face. He lifted it up and moved it behind her ear.

"I won't be long." He said to Jim, but both knowing he meant it to both occupants of the room. As he left Jim took Kate's hand in his.

"I don't know if you can hear me Katie." He said looking at her leaning slightly forward. "But you need to come back to all of us." He smiled. "I'm sure that if you wanted time off work there was no need to get shot. They would probably have given you time off." He tried to lighten the mood and squeezed her hand lightly. "I know you're a fighter and you won't give up so keep fighting Katie and we'll be here when you're ready."

As he finished the door opened and Castle walked in holding two cups of coffee. He handed one to Jim who took it in both his hands and gave him a slight smile.

"I didn't know if you wanted sugar or not so I brought some." He placed some sugar packets on the table and sat back in the chair. Castle turned to look at Jim. "She's going to wake up, right?"

Jim looked at him. He had heard many stories about him and how he followed his daughter around like a puppy. When he look at him then, he saw the pain that was in his eyes. The lost look at now knowing what to do, he said the only thing he could. "Of course she will." He just hoped that she would prove him right, if only to say I told you so.

They stayed silent for a few minutes just listening to the sound of the machines and drinking there coffee.

"Rick? Can I ask you something?" Jim said looking at him.

Castle turned to face him. "Yes I'm pretty sure my coffee tastes just as bad." He said with a slight grin.

Jim smiled. "Well good to know you aren't just torturing me."

"I don't think I've had coffee this bad for a couple of years. When I started following Kate the coffee in the precinct was possibly worse." He placed his empty cup next to him. "Of course, since I was staying I had to change that machine."

"Naturally." Jim replied. "But seriously I want to ask you something."

"Go ahead." He stopped himself short of saying shoot. Not wanting to relive the memories for either of them.

"Is she not good enough?"

Castle looked at him and blinked. "Sorry?"

"Katie. Is she not good enough for you?"

"What?" Castle stammered. "No, no. She's-" He looked at Kate. "She's perfect. Why would you ask that?"

"I see how you look at her and, well, why have you never told her?"

"It's complicated." He said looking down.

"What's so complicated? You love her, she loves you. That is not complicated."

"Well first there's the little complication of Motorcycle boy." Castle said.

"He's not important to her Rick." Jim said. "She rarely talks about him to me, it's you she tells me about."

"I just want her to be happy and he makes her happy." He looked at her and then to Jim.

"Sometimes we have to be selfish to show people what's in front of them. Everyone but her sees how much you care for her. How much you love her."

"I want her to end things between them of her own free will, not force her into it. And if they don't end things then I won't get in her way."

"She'll come around Rick, I know it."

They both sat back in their chairs and waited, they didn't know what they were waiting for but they knew they wouldn't be waiting for long.

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><p><strong>AN: As always I'd love to know what you thought. Good or bad I'd like to know what you think.**


	6. Awakening

**Ta Da :) Here's is the next chapter! I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or I'd so be at Comic Con**

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><p>Castle sat in the chair next to Kate's bed and shifted a little bit. The chairs weren't exactly the most comfortable things to be sitting in, especially if you had been sitting in them for a little over a day. Kate had been moved into a normal room and they were just waiting for her to wake up. Despite the nurses protesting that there was no need for him to be sitting with her, he claimed he wanted her to wake up and see a familiar face. He sat and waited for anything to show she was going to wake up soon, he watched as Josh came in every few hours to check on her. Her doctor had been in a few times and the nurses kept a close eye on him. Castle willed her to wake up it had been five days since her surgery and although everyone was telling him it was normal, and that her body needed to heal he needed to see her eyes again. Hear her voice telling him to shut up or feel her hit him when he said something stupid.<p>

He leaned back into the chair and let his head fall to the side his eyes closing briefly. He let out a soft yawn and readjusted himself in the chair.

"I really don't think that's going to make a difference."

Castle jumped a little at the voice coming from the door. He opened his eyes and looked towards the voice. "Good morning Jim."

Jim smiled at him and walked through the door. He came inside and extended a coffee cup in his hand. "I'm pretty sure the hospital coffee still isn't that nice."

Castle smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks."

"So how's the patient today?"

"Still no change. Although I'm feeling hopeful that she'll be awake today."

"What makes you say that? Have the doctors said something?"

Castle looked at Jim and then to Beckett. "No." He said shaking his head. "I just have a feeling."

"You know it's kind of freaky the way you and my daughter are…connected like this."

Castle chuckled slightly. "I guess that's the nice way to put it."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before the door opened and Josh walked in, Castle dropped the hand that was holding Beckett's and smiled.

"Morning Josh."

Josh looked at Castle and then to Jim. "Morning guys."

"So can you see any change?" Jim asked as Josh looked over the machines.

"Not so far." Josh said sadly. "But she's a fighter." He smiled and took her hand. He was going to say something when his beeper went off. He reached down and checked the small screen. "Well looks like I'm already needed." He bent down and gave Beckett a small kiss on the cheek. "See you later guys."

"Yeah bye." Castle said as he watched Josh leave.

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><p>Lanie and Esposito had arrived at lunchtime and knocked on the door, before poking there head around the corner.<p>

"Is it safe to come in?" Lanie asked.

"Why would it not be?" Castle asked confused.

"Well you never know if Kate wakes up and admits her feelings, we could have found you in a very compromising position."

Castle sighed. "Just come in Lanie."

"It could happen." Lanie said opening the door fully and walking in. "I figured you might be hungry and want to go fetch something to eat."

"Yeah we're on a dinner break and figured we'd come see if Beckett was finally up yet." Esposito said walking in behind Lanie.

"Not yet guys, you know I would have told you." Castle said.

"Not if you were busy you wouldn't." Lanie said winking at him.

"I believe this is where Beckett would say: Shut up." Castle said.

"Oh look you're even thinking like her now. Isn't that adorable?"

Esposito smirked. "Very."

Castle stood up and shook his head. "I guess I'll be back in twenty then since you guys will force me out of here."

"Darn straight." Lanie agreed.

"Would you like to come Jim?"

"Sure." Jim said standing up. "I could use something to eat." He reached over and took Beckett's hand. "No waking up until I'm back okay?"

They stood for a moment, they weren't expected a reply or a sign of acknowledgment but they could still hope for it. When nothing happened Jim squeezed her hand slightly before releasing it and heading for the door.

"So where are we off to Rick?"

"I know a great little diner just down the road."

They headed out and Esposito and Lanie sat in the recently vacated seats.

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><p>Jim and Castle returned in twenty minutes both laughing at something. "…you honestly had to be there Rick." Jim said.<p>

"Well hey guys." Lanie said smiling. "What are you laughing at?"

"Oh Jim was just telling me about Beckett's childhood."

Esposito grinned. "Oh really, anything interesting?"

"Not really." Castle shrugged it off.

"Sure." Esposito said sarcastically.

Lanie checked her watch and sadly stood up. "Well I guess it's time for us to leave." Esposito stood up and stretched.

"These things really aren't the best things to sit in."

"I don't need to be told twice Espo." Castle said. "I already know."

"Well nice seeing you again Castle." Esposito said. "We'll probably stop by tonight. No doubt you'll be here."

"You make it sound like I have nowhere better to be." Castle joked.

"Well do you?" Lanie asked.

"Maybe not." Castle shrugged. He looked back towards the bed and smiled knowing that wherever Kate Beckett would be he wouldn't be far behind.

"We'll leave you guys alone." Lanie smiled. "See you later. Do you need anything bringing?"

Both Jim and Castle shook their heads. As Lanie and Esposito were heading out there was a small whisper from the bed before a coughing fit.

"Kate?" Castle asked turning to look at her. His eyes locked onto hers and he felt the air leave his lungs. He went to her side and helped her to sit up. He reached onto her bedside table for the cup of water and held it to her lips. "Here drink this."

Slowly taking a small sip of the water she smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks." She whispered.

Esposito and Lanie had stood at the door watching while Jim had gone to get a nurse.

"Castle?" Beckett asked as she looked at him

"Yes?" Castle said looking at her.

"You look like hell."

"I'm sorry to say you don't look a lot better detective." He grinned.

"Miss. Beckett I'm glad you're awake." The doctor walked in and looked at her.

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><p><strong>AN: So...love it? Hate it? Let me know please :)**


	7. Milkshakes and conversations

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them.**

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><p>Once a doctor had been and checked on Kate's vitals and asked her a few questions she was left in the room with Castle by her bedside.<p>

"You know you are allowed to leave me." She said smiling slightly looking at him.

"I realize that." He took a small sip of his coffee.

"So why don't you go home? Or I know maybe you can do what you're paid to do."

He didn't say anything to that. He didn't want to tell her how he couldn't write anything because he couldn't help but picture her on the ground. Her blood over his hands, her eyes closing and he feared her not waking up. When he slept he had nightmares of him not jumping in front of her in time and she died in her arms. He had dreamt that he was the one that had gotten shot instead a few times.

"Castle?" She shifted slightly ignoring the pain coming from her chest.

He blinked and looked over to her, he realized he had been silent for the past few minutes. "Sorry? Hey I have something for you actually."

She smiled at him. "Because your company isn't enough?"

He leaned down and picked up the bag that was next to his chair, placing it on his knees he looked in it. He moved his laptop and charger before finding what he wanted.

"I was going to give it to you earlier, but then all this happened and well…you know." He took out a copy of his latest book Heat Rises and placed it on her bed.

"When did you finish this?" She asked as she picked it up and looked at the back. She reached up and traced the outline of his picture with her finger.

"About a month ago, that's an advanced copy so don't let anyone see it." He smiled and placed the bag next to his chair again. "The launch party is in a month or so. If you're up for it I was hoping you'd come."

Kate placed the book back on her lap and smiled. "I'd love that Castle."

They'd stared at each other again for what felt like minutes but was only seconds. There was a knock on the door and Josh appeared.

"Hey." Kate said smiling.

He walked in and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Hey how are you feeling today?"

"Much better."

Castle stood up and picked his bag up off the floor and smiled. "So I'll be back later if you'll let me okay?"

"You don't have to leave." Kate said.

"Believe me I do." Castle said smiling. "I have to go change and see Alexis, I have a couple of errands to run."

"I'll see you in a couple of hours then?" She knew she sounded desperate but for some reason she wanted him to be close.

"If the nurses let me you will." He gave her a smile and started for the door. "Nice seeing you again Josh."

Josh gave him a slight nod before taking the recently vacated seat.

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><p>Castle walked through the door to his loft and found Martha and Alexis sitting and watching the news. They looked up to see him and Alexis smiled standing up, she wrapped her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and smiled.<p>

"So how's Detective Beckett?" Alexis asked.

"She woke up and she's doing fine."

"Why didn't you call and tell us?" Alexis looked at him.

"My phone's gone dead and she hasn't been up long."

They released each other and Castle went to the fridge to get a drink. He took a bottle of water and went and sat down beside Martha.

"So kiddo what's brings you back home? We didn't think we'd see you for a while."

"I missed you too."

"Are you going back later dad?" Alexis asked leaning forward a little.

"She wants me too, so I might pop in."

"Do you think she'd mind if I tagged along?" She sounded a little nervous unsure of what the answer would be.

"I'm sure she wouldn't. Now if you ladies will excuse me I'm going to go take a shower."

After taking a shower and charging his phone up he came out of his room, dressed in black jeans and a blue shirt.

"You hungry Lex?" He asked.

"Well I was going to order something in but going out sounds good."

"Great, go get ready and we'll go."

He went to the door and put his shoes on picking up his keys from the bowl.

"Would you like to come mother?" He asked.

"No thank you. I've got a hot date later." She grinned.

"Say no more." He chuckled picking up his wallet.

Alexis came bounding down the stairs and joined Castle at the door. She picked her jacket up from the rack and opened the door.

"See you later grams have fun tonight."

"No worries on that one kiddo." She grinned. "Now go and enjoy yourselves."

With that said that both walked out the door to catch the elevator.

"So where do you want to go?" Castle asked Alexis.

"I'm fine with wherever you want to go."

"Oh I know, there's that new place that's just opened up down the block. We could go there if you want."

"Sound great."

They made small talk over dinner, Ashley was due to flight out to visit Stanford in a couple of weeks and he had wanted her to go with him. With promises to call every night he had agreed she could go along. Castle paid the bill and they both went outside.

"So what now?" Alexis asked.

"I just have another stop to make then we can go see Kate."

The fact that he had been calling her Kate and not Beckett hadn't passed Alexis. This led her to wondering what exactly was going off between them both. She knew her dad would tell her if it was something important.

They got in a cab and Castle gave the address.

"So where are we going?" Alexis asked.

"Remy's."

"Dad, we just ate. Or did you forget?"

"It's not for me." He laughed. "It's for Kate."

"I'm sure she's eaten."

"I'm not getting her food. She loves the milkshakes."

The cab pulled up beside Remy's and Castle told the driver he'd be a moment. Alexis was left staring at her dad's retreating form. True to his word Castle was back in the cab in a minute and told the driver to take him to the hospital.

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><p>Walking through the halls again Castle smiled as the nurses from earlier had recognized him. He smiled to them and stood outside Kate's door. He knocked lightly and heard the gentle "come in." He opened the door and saw her sat up with Jim by her side.<p>

"Good evening." Castle said smiling. "I bring gifts."

Kate rolled her eyes but smiled. "If you stopped at the gift shop and have one of those huge teddies don't even bother."

"No that's for tomorrow." He lifted the milkshake up into her view. "I stopped off at Remy's, I didn't know if you were allowed outside food." He trailed off and placed it on the table in front of her.

"Thanks." She smiled reaching to take a drink.

"Hey Alexis." Jim said looking towards where she still stood at the door.

"Hi." She said softly.

"You can come in you know." Castle said reaching for a chair. Alexis slowly walked towards the chair that was beside Jim and sat in it. She was unsure of what to say.

"So how are you Alexis?" Kate asked looking at her.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Believe me I have had more than enough people ask me."

"Well they care about you."

As they sat talking none of them realized the person standing outside the doorway. Josh.


	8. Bad Timing

**So I figured it was about time that I updated this since it's been so long. I guess I've gotten to a part where I like it and hope you guys do too.**

**Disclaimer: Mistakes are mine, the show is not.**

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><p>Kate was sat up in bed with Josh by her side. He was sitting in one of the chairs before he had to go and do rounds.<p>

"So you're finally going to be able to get out of this bed today." Josh said smiling.

"Yeah, I can't wait."

Since waking up she didn't know why, but it was like she was seeing things in a new light. She still hadn't told Josh the exact reason as to why she had been shot at Montgomery's funeral and he didn't push her to say. He hadn't been around much either since she had woken up, it was mostly quick visits before he had started rounds. Or the time they did get spent together he had been rushed away because of a surgery.

Since being shot she had found she didn't want someone who was busy all the time like she was. She wanted someone who would pull her out of work and surprise her with a meal, someone that she could come home to and actually talk about her work.

She had realized early on in her career that she couldn't have what was considered a normal life. The white house with the red door every little kid dreamt about, the dog and the two children. But that didn't mean she couldn't try right? She'd had stable relationships, even thought about marriage at one time or another. But she found that like most of the relationships she'd had to annoy or her father, they had run their course.

After Castle had left her for the summer with Gina, she had found comfort in Josh. He'd understood her when she said she had a busy job, she cherished the moments they got to spend together. But eventually she felt the relationship was slipping, he had gone for a week and done doctors without borders. That's when he realized it was what he wanted to do, he was helping people. When the dirty bomb had come to New York and Josh had come back she thought they stood a chance. But then he had wanted to disappear again for a month this time.

After Castle had come back from the Hampton's he hadn't left her side unless she forced him too. She realized that no matter how long he was gone he would always come back for her. These past few months she had felt herself having a stronger connection with him. He was there to help her with Royce's murder, he was there when she was looking into her mothers murder deeper, he had been there with the bomb even though he could have left with his daughter and his mother.

Thinking about Castle had then led to her thinking about how they hadn't actually talked about what had happened after she was shot. She couldn't tell him she didn't remember, but she didn't want to tell him she did remember. She had thought that he had said I love you to her because he wasn't going to see her again. She knew that something was changing between them but she didn't want to acknowledge that Castle had fell hard for her. He had had more experience than her with these kind of relationships and he probably said I love you on a daily basis. But she knew that wasn't true, spending so much time with him she had noticed he had begun to change. It was the little things and how he was nothing like she had read about.

She just hoped that Castle would give her some space and get her head around everything that had happened. After the argument of how much they never talked about anything she guessed this would be going under that same category. She couldn't put it off like the kiss she knew that, but maybe she'd be able to make him forget about it for a few weeks.

All the time she had spent thinking this over she hadn't noticed Josh talking to her. What in her mind had been possibly hours had only been a few minutes.

"Hey Kate? You with me?"

She blinked and focused on him. "Sorry I was just thinking about something."

Josh let out a light chuckle. "You've been doing that a lot lately."

She didn't want to tell him how it was figuring out a way to say it was over between them. Even with him not seeing her much since being shot, how could she just tell him to leave. She realized it would have been worse if he had been the one to operate her. Thank god for hospital policies saving her from that problem.

"Josh I need to say something." She figured the sooner she had gotten it over with the better.

He turned his whole body to face her and gave her a slight smile. She couldn't resist but smile back, that had been one of the things that had attracted her to him. She took a breath and opened her mouth.

"Good afternoon." The doctor said walking in.

Kate groaned and leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes. Was it that hard to tell someone they were over, when you were in a hospital she figured it was.

"You can tell me later." Josh decided as the doctor came to check on her.

"So how are you feeling today?"

Kate opened her eyes and sent her doctor a quick glare, before realizing it wasn't his fault. Her timing like everything else just sucked.

"I'm ready to get out of this bed." She said.

"Well lucky for you it's that time." Her doctor sent her a small smile. "Now we're just going to take it easy today. See if we can get you standing and take a few steps."

Kate nodded. "Alright."

"Great, I'll be back in a minute with a nurse to help you."

Josh stood up and gave her a kiss on her cheek. "We'll talk about it later okay?" She nodded her head and let out a small sigh. "I've got to get doing my rounds now but I'll see you in a few hours."

She wanted to be selfish with him and grab his hand, not letting go and make him stay with her. She wanted to spend the day with him even if she was stuck to a hospital bed. She wanted to go back to the early stages of her relationship with him where they couldn't get enough of each other. Instead she let him squeeze her hand and walk off, ignoring the ache in her chest. She knew she was being irrational and it was his job, but even she had a limit.

Once he had left she was left in the empty room, staring at the white walls. She was sitting on the bed not paying attention when she felt someone beside her. The next thing she knew Castle's head was next to hers glancing in the same direction she was.

"So what are we staring at?" He asked happily.

She had jumped a little not noticing he was there, but then she smiled. He hadn't visited her yesterday since she had given him strict orders to stay away and spend time with Alexis and Martha. This of course meant she was filled with the company of her father, Lanie and the boys once they were off duty. It also meant the questions of why Castle wasn't with her.

"Nothing of importance." She said. "What are you doing here?" She turned her head to face him before figuring out it was a mistake. They were inches away from each other and she felt her heart rate speed up. She was thankful she had been unhooked from the monitor otherwise there would be staff rushing in.

"I got kicked out of the loft. Can you believe it? Apparently I wasn't any fun to be around." He sat in the chair next to her bed, distancing them.

"When are you?" She asked smirking.

"Well I can just go if you don't want me around." He made the effort of getting up from his chair.

She resisted the urge to shout out "NO!" as he started to get up. She found herself making a move to grab his hand. "Stay." She whispered instead.

He sat back down and gave her hand a squeeze. "I wouldn't really have gone, I have nowhere else to go. The precinct just isn't fun without you there to annoy."

"Go figure." She said rolling her eyes.

A doctor walked with one of the regular nurses that Kate recognized trailing behind him.

"Ahh Mr. Castle nice to see you again." The doctor greeted him. "So Kate are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and the nurse stood at one side of her. She moved the wires still hooked into Kate to one side so she could move easier.

"Okay, I don't want you to push yourself too hard." Her doctor said standing in front of her.

Castle let out a soft laugh. "You obviously don't know who you're talking to."

"Castle unless you're going to make yourself useful, shut up." Kate said as she set her feet on the ground.

Castle was by her side in an instant with one of his arms around her waist. Yet again she felt her heart rate speed up, and this time it was only from him touching her.

"Okay whenever you're ready I just want you to slowly push yourself up."

Kate took a breath and counted to three before she pushed herself up from the bed. As soon as she did she felt Castle immediately tighten his hold on her, she resisted the urge to lean into him. She then felt her chest ache from where her stitches were, as well as the air leave her body. She then felt her legs go a little weak.

"Excellent." Her doctor smiled at her. "Now do you think you can take a few steps?"

Using all the strength that she could gather she lifted one foot up from off the floor and placed it in front of her. She then repeated it before shuffling her body forward a little. She managed to get a few more steps before she headed back to her bed.

The doctor smiled and wrote a few things down in her chart. "Great effort, now we'll continue to work on your strength and if you're up for it we'll be back in a few hours. Maybe try a few more steps?"

He looked at Kate and she nodded.

"I'll be able to tell if you'll be needing physical therapy, but I would highly recommend it." He placed the chart back on the end of her bed and then walked out of her room.

"So…" Castle started after a few minutes of silence.

Kate turned to face him. "That's your conversation starter? You're normally better than that." She chuckled slightly.

"What can I say? You render me speechless." He smiled at her.

"If only that were true." She looked at him and wondered whether he was going to bring up the topic of what he had said. They hadn't had much privacy since she had woken up and he hadn't gotten a chance to talk about it. Now that they were online though, she figured it would be the first thing he wanted to talk about.

"Oh but it is Detective." He then tilted his head a little as in thought. "Wait, can I still call you that? I mean really you're not on duty now until you are better."

"Even if I said no I'm sure you would still call it me."

"That's true."

Just like that they fell into a conversation, and much to Kate's delight Castle didn't bring up his declaration of love. She was thankful of that, glad that she had at least another day to figure things out in her head.


	9. I'm going away

**Hola people. So obviously I could give a billion reasons why I haven't updated, but really who reads these things anyway? If you good people are still following this story then I thank you.**

**Disclaimer: All mistakes are my own.**

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><p>Castle walked into the hospital room and smiled at Kate when he saw her sat up in bed. "So how is the patient feeling today?"<p>

"Better." Kate smiled. "I just can't wait to get out of this hospital and not see these same four walls."

"They're letting you go?" Castle asked. "When?"

"The doctor said if all goes well tomorrow."

Kate had been in the hospital recovering for two weeks with the promise that she had somewhere to stay and would be able to see a physical therapist to help her gain her strength back they would release her.

"Well that's good. But where are you going to go? I mean you can't go back to your apartment who will help you?"

"Stop worrying Rick it's all been sorted out with my dad. Which I kind of want to talk to you about."

He took a seat next to her bed and turned his body to face hers, he sat just looking and not saying a word.

"I'm going to my fathers cabin for a little while."

"How longs a little while?" He felt his heart sink a little at what she was saying. He had only just gotten over the fact that he wasn't going to lose her. "Kate?" He prompted her after she was silent.

"I just…I need some time Castle." Since she had started doing sessions to regain strength her mood had been all over the place. When she felt like giving up Castle had been there to help her and she had been grateful. But she felt that if she was ever going to get through this then she needed to be somewhere alone. Or at the very least away from Castle.

"Because I've not heard that before." Castle sat and mumbled, his gaze drifting to the floor.

"Why do you have to make this about you right now?" Kate asked and looked at him. "Because the last time I checked you weren't the one that got shot." She knew she shouldn't have been saying these things to him but she thought the very least he would understand. She figured it might make it easier on them both if she distanced herself from him.

"I almost lost you Kate." He said looking at her. "Do you know what it's like to watch the person you lo-" He caught himself at his almost confession again. "-care about almost die? To watch the life slowly drain out of them and feel helpless?"

She was glad at this point that she wasn't hooked up to a heart monitor because it would have been going crazy at this point.

"I was that person Rick. I couldn't get up, I felt the life leaving my body and I couldn't do anything about it."

"I'm not saying you weren't! I've just got you back Kate and I feel like I'm losing you all over again."

"You act like you'll never see me again."

"Well maybe if you stopped trying to get rid of me every chance you got I might not act like it."

"I'm not." Kate said calming down. "I just need somewhere to process all of this. I'll call you and I'll come back I just need some time."

Castle leaned back in the chair and let out a breath. "Well I don't really have a choice in this anyway I mean it's not like I'm your-" He stopped when he saw movement to his left. He turned his head already knowing who was their. "Hey Josh." He said trying to smile.

Josh looked at him and gave a small nod. "Castle."

"I should be going." Castle said standing up. "I'll talk to you later Kate." He said letting out a small breath and walking to the door.

Josh moved to the side and took a step further into Kate's room. He watched Castle leave the room and walk down the hallway before turning back to face Kate. "So I've heard the good news."

"Yeah." She said quietly. She looked at Josh and then averted her gaze, sooner or later she was going to have to do this.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked sitting next to her. He took her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I thought you would be happy about getting out of here.

"I am Josh." She turned her gaze to him. She took a deep breath. "Listen we need to talk."

"I'm not going to like this conversation am I?"

She shook her head slightly. "I can't keep doing this. I can't be what you want Josh." She took a small breath. "You need someone who doesn't mind you going away saving the world, someone who has a safe job and wants the same things as you."

"So this is it?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes."

He nodded along with her. "I understand Kate, and in a way I'm not what you need either. We had fun together though right?" He smiled a little.

"Of course." She smiled along with him.

He stood up and leaned over giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Well I hope to see you around Kate." He let go of her hand and walked out her room and her life.

Kate sat in her bed and let out a sigh of relief and she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.


	10. Out of the Hospital

**I went through a slight, everything I write doesn't seem to work phase. But I finally wrote this.**

**Disclaimer: Mr. Marlowe can carry on as he is doing. All mistakes are mine.**

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><p>Castle arrived in her room bright and early that morning carrying his regular order of their coffee's. When he walked in Jim Beckett was already there with Kate nowhere in sight.<p>

"Morning Mr. Beckett."

"I've told you call me Jim." He smiled at him.

"Where's Kate?" Castle asked glancing around the room.

As Jim was about to reply the door to the bathroom opened and Kate stood leaning against the doorway.

"Hey Castle." She said a little out of breath, smiling.

"Hey." Castle greeted back, smiling just as wide. "So you ready to get out of here?" He placed the tray of coffee's on the bed tray and walking over to her.

"So ready." She straightened up a little and slowly met him halfway.

"You're improving."

"Not enough to return to work." She muttered.

"Beckett they can cope without you until you're fully healed." He placed his hands on her arms and

Just as she was about to reply the doctor walked in with a chart.

"Okay Miss. Beckett it appears than all is well and you are being released today. Now you have set up appointments with your physical therapist am I correct?" He looked up and asked.

"Yes." Came the reply.

"Good, now I'll just need you to sign this paperwork and then you will be on your way." He gave her a smile.

She gave a nod and walked towards the doctor, he held out the clipboard and she took it from him. Castle moved towards the bed and picked up the carry bag that had been brought from her apartment.

"Now as you are probably aware also it's hospital policy to been taken in a wheelchair."

"Are you serious?" Kate asked as she saw an orderly bring a wheelchair into the room.

"I'm afraid so."

Kate let out a breath and reluctantly headed towards the chair.

"Right well I'll head off and go fetch the car." Jim said, he placed a kiss on top of Kate's head and then walked out.

Castle stood behind the wheelchair and after she had signed all the necessary paperwork he was taking off towards the elevator. He had passed Kate the coffee's and she took a sip of hers.

"So where's Josh? I figured he'd be here to say goodbye." Castle asked feeling a little awkward.

"Actually Castle we said our goodbyes yesterday." Kate said shifting slightly. "We decided it would be best if we called it a day."

"Beckett why didn't you tell me? Castle asked pressing the button for the elevator. "Well that you should have anyway…I mean it's none of my business…" He trailed off.

They entered the elevator and Castle pressed the button for the ground floor.

"I'm sure you would have figured it out anyway Castle."

Castle stood wondering whether he should ask her the one question that had been on his mind since she had awaken.

"Kate? I need to ask you something." He figured if he didn't ask it now then he'd lose the courage he'd gather and never mention it again.

"Did you not just do that?" She asked trying to diffuse his attention.

"Well yeah but something else. What do you remember from the day of your shooting?" They were nearing the ground floor and he needed an answer.

Kate sat thinking about the best way to answer it. She could tell him she didn't remember anything, but then that would lead to the trouble of when she would remember. If she told him she remembered then that would lead to him wanting to know how she felt, and she knew she wasn't ready to face the feelings right now.

"Castle, Rick…I…" The elevator announced it's arrival on the ground floor and with a small sigh Castle started towards the entrance of the hospital. "Rick wait." Kate said just before they reached the hospital doors.

He stopped walking and looked at her. "Yes?"

"You have to know the truth Rick." She closed her eyes before looking at her hands. "I do remember Rick." She said quietly. "But after everything I can't…"

He watched her struggle with what she was saying, he kneeled in front of her and held one of her hands.

"Hey, I'm not asking for you to tell me you feel the same way, I'm not even going to push you for an answer. I just want you to know I meant it." He looked at their hands. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same way, I just wanted you to know." He said the last part quietly she wasn't sure she heard correctly.

"Just give me the summer?" Kate asked. "I need to figure everything out."

He nodded his head slowly. "I'll give you all the time in the world if you need it."

"The summer should be enough." She smiled slightly. "Now let's go, my dad's waiting."

Castle smirked and jumped up, as soon as they made it to the entranceway Kate made him stop again and she stood up. Instead of telling her to sit down he let her stand up and make her way to the car. He made sure to return the wheelchair before catching up with her.

"Hey Beckett, wait up." He ran to catch up with her, Jim was waiting with the car. He jumped out and went to open up the boot. Castle placed the bag among the other items in the boot and went to the passenger side of the car. Kate was sat attempting to put the seat belt on but wincing every time she tried. "Hey you aren't Wonder Woman take it easy." He reached over and clicked in the seat belt.

"Thanks." She took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"Call me tonight?" There was so much hope in his voice she just couldn't refuse him.

"Sure." Just as he was about to move from the car she did something he wasn't expecting. She reached over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thanks again Castle."

"Always."

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><p><strong>AN: See the blue button? Click it, please?**


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